Love in the Age of World Domination

Batting Against the Home Team

Don't do it!

Easier said than done of course. Its like we are programmed to say things like, "OMG - if I had her legs I would not wear that skirt!" or "she is so narrow minded when she walks her earrings knock together."

And then we have those female 'friends' - frenenemies - who we are sickly sweet to on the surface but whose guts we secretly hate, and whom we love to gossip about behind their backs. Why are women so mean to each other?  It starts on the playground (ewwwww look Hira's wearing purple), continues through high school, and gets worse in college, and reachesepidemic proportions by the time the little brats get to the office/boardroom.

Office politics among women is truly the worst offender. Forget the glass ceiling. Men can't compete with the crap that women dole out to each other! Studies have found that women bosses are significantly more likely than men to discriminate against female employees, mark down women’s prospects for promotion, and to assess them as more controlling than men in their management style. Apparently the “queen bee syndrome” of female rivalry in the workplace may be as bad as sexism in holding back women’s careers.

Women are hard on each other. Sometimes this can be a good thing. Like when you drive each other on to accomplish great things. But there are those who make a national sport out of putting down other women. Most women are instinctively into who in their environment is threatening to them - usually someone whose got better hair, shoes, or boobs. And the claws come out. But you'd never know - because it is usually very sophisticated and very subtle. Maybe the female of the species eally is deadlier than the male...

The point is we are own worst critics, our worse enemies at a time when we women need each other more than ever. In this age of world domination and cold independence, where would we be without our moms, sister, and girlfriends? The women in our lives hold us together, help us do the things we don't always want to do, and walk beside us on this incredible yet often treacherous path of life.

So, as tempting as it is, as delicious as it sometimes is, try not to bat against the home team. Don't knock the sisterhood.

Date with a Neuroscientist

Cross-posted on BlogHer

Thats two hours I am never going to get back.

Last week a friend calls up and tells me about - lets call him - Mr. Rightish. Rightish moved to DC some months ago from Manhattan, to do some research for the Pentagon, and is looking to meet people, perhaps a nice girl etc. etc. Good looking guy, very well educated (PhD, teaching at NYU), 31, 5'11, dark hair, dark eyes.

As anyone who knows me even in a cursory fashion knows, I have a thing for intelligence, nerdiness, and in particular, brain surgeons and rocket scientists. So I thought - brain-scientist? I can work with that. And he looked cute from the picture (which my friend forwarded). I hate blind dates but this might just be worth it.

So we met for drinks at a downtown euro-trashy watering hole (his choice, not mine). Things started off well enough. For the most part he was who my friend said he was - a well educated, confident, rather nicely groomed dude.

He told me about grad school in San Diego and studying sleep patterns in rats, and then about his job here researching biochemical something or other for the US military, and then about missing NYC and how small DC is, and then about... . I feigned interest, asked questions, and smiled in all the right places.

So here's the thing - at no point in the entire two hours did he make any attempt to ask me one single  question. Like, maybe - "So what do you do in your job?", or perhaps "where are you from?", or at a bare minimum, "so you grew up in Switzerland? Nope. Nothing. Zilch,. Nada. Not even when there were definite pauses in the conversation or at the clear END of one. There was just silence, until I could bear it no more and asked another question. And he responded with another diatribe.

Once, just once, I think he asked me something, but then proceeded to glance over my shoulder at a fly on the wall or something that must have been really fascinating behind me, while I responded. First, are there people like this, really? Second, it was a humbling experience, because usually men are, um, pretty enthralled by 'how different I am". 

Anyway, two very long hours later, when he was walking me over to the metro, we got talking on comedy (and I think, ah finally at least an interesting mutual topic!), and then he drops the bomb. "I hate Jon Stewart  and his ilk  - so talentless"

"Er, but why?? The Daily Show is very funny and very clever."

"Its not clever at all. All they do is make fun of people. Easy. I could do it with my eyes closed."

Yeah. WHATEVER. I don't think I could ever really date someone who doesn't get the Daily Show. That would be like dating an ultra-rightwing neo-con Republican. OMG - maybe thats what he was???!!

In any event, the point is that while he may have been a big scientist and all, intelligent on paper, ultimately he was boring and pompous, and about as interesting as a door nob.

And this, my friends, its why I don't date. Why I don't like meeting new people. And why its all such a COLOSSAL waste of time.

Lankan M.I.A: She's All That

"let me share this awesome sound I have found with you."

So M.I.A. was supposed to record her new album, Kala, in New York with Timbaland but had trouble getting a US work visa. So she changed plans and went all around the world recording and synthesizing every bit of  sound she found into one big album. And Kala is the result. Named after her mom this time (Arular, the previous album, was named after her dad- linked to the LTTE).

And it looks like everybody loves it, from the Rolling Stones to the New York Times, which raves that "the issues she raises are far more complex and discomfiting than pop’s usual calls for peace and recycling." And given the dearth of outspoken young female stars, she’s a rarity."  Go M.I.A.!

Washington Post: "It's M.I.A.'s world-music revolution, and we're just dancing to it. Didgeridoo and all."

The Fader: "Every song has a layer of some other country on it. It’s like making a big old marble cake with lots of different countries and influences."

Vulture: "Kala is a delirious, dance-inducing amalgamation of Sri Lankan folk music, Bollywood caricature, and didgeridoo flatulence. In short: It's awesome."

Pitchfork: M.I.A. Confronts the Haters

popmatters: "The most obvious (and perhaps only) unifying factor is M.I.A.'s own disaffected voice and her constant wide-eyed wonder." 

M.I.A's myspace page.

Ten Things you Like about Yourself

Solomother has a great post on this, and list other women bloggers doing the same.

This is an interesting exercise, not least because its the opposite of my preferred "Ten Things I Wish I Could Change About Myself" list. Which is much easier, and better fodder for the daydream machine.

But lets give credit where credit is due. While my list leaves me annoyed and frustrated, this list which I just tried, left me all zen and, dare I say, a smidgen grateful.   

Before I share it with you, the deal is you've got to try it too. And here's an idea - if you like, email me and I'll post it here.

OK here goes:
1) I may have issues with my body, but I like my face for the most part. I have a pleasant but determined  and inquiring look, the same look I was born with many moons ago, and which I'd like to think I have passed on to my little niece.

2) I also like my big warm toothy smile (some may call me the buck tooth Indian - yes you know who you are) but my pearly whites have rescued me from many a scrape. During times when the world was collapsing around me, smiling and acting as if it was all ok, is what made it all ok in the end.

3) I like that I have a good heart. I won't deny it- it has got me into trouble, and even dangerous situations - but in the long run its come through for me. There are things only the heart knows, things that the head can never fathom. 

4) I like that I am teachable and progressive, one of the best qualities that I inherited from my parents. For the most part I am open, curious, and willing to learn and change views and opinions based on new information.

5) I can do creative stuff - photo albums, anything with pictures, framing old paintings, decorating, writing, cooking and hosting dinner parties - I love playing with color, shape, image, and accents. I like old things and new things.

6) I may be tone deaf but I like that I have a damn near perfect ear for language. I can usually manipulate words to make them do what I want them to. This is essentially whats allowed me to hoodwink my way into some of the most prestigious academic and corporate institutions in the world.   

7) I like that I have a strong spirit - perhaps its God's Grace acting in mysterious ways - but I can withstand a decent amount of craziness and pain. Like Scarlet (O'Hara), I will cry and howl over a disaster but in the same breath, raise my head through the tears to say "tomorrow's another day".

8) I like that I am not judgmental (read conservative). It must be horrible to not like people just because they are different - different religion, different sexual orientation. I couldn't care less who you love or what God you pray to at night, or if you pray to a God at all.

9) On the other hand, I like that I have faith in some kind of higher power beyond 'me, myself, and my little plans'. The idea of God, that there is something that is working behind all this, just takes all the pressure off. It works for me. But if it doesn't work for you, thats totally fine too.

10) I like my ability to relax, to contemplate, to enjoy the small pleasures of life, like reading the NYT on a Sunday afternoon, like sitting in cafes watching people pass by, like writing thank you notes on real paper, like watching the monsoon rain, like drinking tea with little cucumber sandwiches without the crust.

Personal Training 101

Sometimes you get really lucky in life.. and find a great personal trainer.

Early in the summer, I felt kind of bulky and energy-less, and unmotivated. Every time I went to the gym  I would fool around on the cross trainer for a bit while watching a Lifetime movie and then scoot off to the sauna. So one day I signed up for a training session. I got Lori - a professional soccer player and coach - and she had me doing lunges and crunches, and sit ups and flip ups, and before I knew it I had signed up for ten sessions.. and then ten more. And all through it the woman made me laugh, listened to my chatter, and called me on my bs (I can't work out today, its raining).

Personal training basically is weight training (and other targeted exercises) to train your core muscle groups. Its not aerobic, its not cardio, although it can involve 10-15 of cardio to warm up.  And while it costs an arm and a leg (like any personal service) it will get you in the gym, and you'll probably learn something new every day.

And despite the fact that by the end of it I had lost no weight (in fact I gained about 4 pounds of muscle) it was totally worth it. The stronger muscles mean more definition, more ability to run faster for longer, healthier bones etc..  Training didn't help me get into that dress from 2004 but at least I have now covered my bases in terms of osteoporosis, and feel like I can kick someone's a*s if the need should arise.

If you are thinking of training, consider these things:

• Do you have the time to get in the gym couple times a week to work with the trainer and a couple more times to go through the routine on your own?
• Do you have cash, which if you didn't spend on this, you would spend on something frivolous anyway?
• Are there certified personal trainers at your gym? It is much easier if the service is available at your gym and there is a discount for members.
• Preferable that he/she is an intelligent person who will listen to what you say, be focused only on you during the sessions, and not talk your head off with unsolicited advice .
• It also really helps if the person is not trying to hit on you - so train with whatever gender you are not attracted to.
• If your trainer is fun, and you get to make a friend, thats a bonus!

Facebook has Ruined my Blogging

And in more ways than one.

First, after getting through the friend requests, writing on walls, throwing sheep, and checking out tagged photos, when is there time to write on blogs.. in fact I barely have time to check email anymore.

Second, what is there to write anymore? Everyone knows what you are up to, literally on a daily, if not hourly basis. Besides, I kind of feel like I am in touch with All and Sundry; is there really any need to write more about the goings-on in Washington - ex. the melting hot summer daze we are all in here? There isn't even a need to create and upload cute Ayush pics to flickr anymore because through my network you can access the albums on her parents' pages.

Its like Facebook makes everyone a mini-blogger. And writing/creative skills are not necessary, there's a template for everything, dumbed down and customized for the masses, keeping them in a big blue and white containment zone.

And make no mistake, FB is NOT a networking site. Its not about jobs or being linked in with alumni. Its about the gossip, the ‘what did you do yesterday’ element of it. Its about stalking people you barely know, voyeuristically flipping through pictures of folks you haven't been in touch with for decades.

It’s a gigantic high school reunion, with all the craziness and trauma that goes with it.