Love in the Age of World Domination

A Slacker's Guide

Remember that French woman who wrote that book advocating laziness at work, which created quite a sensation a while back. The one that reads a bit like the Communist Manifesto, except replace "proleteriat" with "managers". It tells them to rise up and throw out their laptops, organigrams and mission statements.

I don’t know why I am thinking of her today. Probably because I have a major work trip to plan, a 40 slide power point to prepare, an intern to hire, an analyst to interview, and a major publication that needs final review. All of which is making me… surf the internet. So anyway, here are some of the rules from that book:

No. 1: It's pointless to try to change the system. Instead, sit back and enjoy the ride, and amass as many influential friends as possible.

No. 2: What you do is also pointless. You can be replaced from one day to the next by any cretin sitting next to you.

No. 3: So work as little as possible, and spend time having lots of coffee cultivating a strong personal network so that you're untouchable if anything were to happen.

No. 4: You're not judged on merit, but on whether you look and sound the part. Speak lots of leaden jargon, and generally sound confident like you know your stuff.

No. 5: Be nice to people on short-term contracts. They are the only people who do any real work.

No. 6: Learn to identify kindred spirits who, like you, believe the system is absurd through discreet signs (quirks in clothing, peculiar jokes, funny smiles).

And here's the most important thing I have learnt: go for a job in an area like strategy or business development, where it is impossible to assess your 'contribution' or measure results. Your responsibility is to make it sound like strategy is what the most intelligent people do. You see I have enjoyed spending these last 9 months in hard core research, but thats serious work.. like you have to constantly check your facts. Say accurate things. Like, who wants to have to do that?

Those Amazing First Times

I always fall into the trap of believing that I have exhausted people. That there is no one out there for me, nothing anyone can show me that I haven't seen already in some form.  Unbelievable then that I have met someone new. Who I like. It never ceases to amaze me that I still have the capacity to actually like someone (in that way).

For other people, making new friends or meeting new people may be more typical than it is for me. Given my permanent desire to isolate that wouldn't be too hard. The handful of really close people I have in my life I can never seem to get enough of. We spend hundreds of hours together and we never get tired of each other. But romance, thats usually a different story. I am so reluctant/lazy to give anyone a chance.  In those rare times when someone interesting crosses my path (which they pretty much have to do, since I don't cross many other people's paths) and they get close enough to start seeing who I am, I want to run away and bury my head in the sand. 

So with this new thing, I have been sitting around being all overwhelmed and excited and anxious and all those ridiculous things one feels in those early stages. There is nothing like those 'firsts'. Of course there is the far more mature trade-off of a secure/established relationship and what not, but if you don't dig the first moments of meeting someone new, you are really truly missing out. Sometimes things are painfully awkward, but even the awkwardness can be beautiful.. teach you things.

These are the days of maximum charm and well-masqueraded 'sweetness'. Its one of life's ultimate experiences.

Where to Put Your Money

Its crazy how much $$$$ is flowing into clean tech and clean energy companies these days, through not just VC and private equity but also through standard investment funds, green funds, mom-and-pop mutual funds, and alternative energy indexes.

Some say it is a bubble not dissimilar to the dot.com craze, but others say that investing in energy is totally different (and I tend to go with this camp) - its investment in physical infrastructure. There are physical assets involved like wind mills and power plants, and transmission cables. Clean tech company valuations are based on cash flows and regular business models.  In any event the numbers speak for themselves:

· Global biofuels market: $20.5 billion (2006) - $81 billion (projected 2016)

· Wind power market: $18 billion (2006) - $60.8 billion (projected 2016)

· Solar PV market: $15.6 billion (2006) - $69 billion (projected 2016)

· Fuel-cell and hydrogen market: $1.4 billion (2006 - $15.6 billion (projected 2016)

In total for the 4 clean energy sectors:

· $55.4 Billion (2006) will grow fourfold to more than $226 billion by 2016 

 
In 2000, the markets for solar PV and wind power represented annual global revenues of just $2.5 billion and $4 billion respectively. Six years later, these two industries combined equal more than $30 billion in annual revenues, a roughly fivefold increase. Solar PV and wind are big business.

Then there is the rapidly rising demand for Renewable Energy IPOs. Clean energy M&A activity is apparently rising by 25% to $41 billion by year end.

I am telling you - this is the new new thing.

The Golden Rule

So two months down the road, and suddenly I am thinking of that Anniversary date.. and something is bugging me. Something about the Golden Rule.. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Its a simple principal that we all learnt in kindergarten. Basically if you act in a certain way toward another, and yet would not tolerate being treated that way in the same circumstances then you violate the rule. Every major religion covers this.

So I think of C. I never said thank you. Here's this stranger who went all out and did something really sweet for me, and all I had to do was say " thank you for a lovely evening' and I just didn't do it. I felt terrible. I tried to find his email address but my in-box had been cleared out.. I finally managed to track down the email through my friend. He probably hates me and I am dreading this, but I know what I have to do. 

Dear C,

You must have wondered what happened to me - and I don't blame you if you think I was awful. I am deeply sorry and I hope you accept my apologies.

What happened was that - remember I had told you that I had family coming to town? Well they did - and it was a super hectic couple of weeks, and then work suddenly became very hectic. None of this of course explains why I couldn't take a minute to reply to one of your calls or emails.

Anyway I just want to thank you for the beautiful evening you put together when you took me out - the dinner, the flowers, everything - its one of  the best dates I've ever been on.  You were so thoughtful and kind and generous. It was very special and I really did have a good time, and I absolutely should have thanked you, and I am so ashamed that I didn't.  The flowers by the way lasted forever and I totally enjoyed them :)

Best of luck in all, hope things are going well for you, - H

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H,

I am glad you wrote. I was, of course, a little hurt, but I understood that you had family coming all the way from Sri Lanka, and I wasn't so full of myself to expect you to be enamored with me after one date. I am glad you had a good time with me. It was a good date, and it will remain a pleasant memory for me. One of the few things we truly own in this life :-) I am glad you decided to write back. That means a lot, and shows a level of emotional maturity that I deeply respect. I hope everything works out for you. Keep in touch, if you wish. You know where to find me. Take care. -C

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There. Done.

The Anniversary Date

Post written & backdated from September 14:

I met C at a work friend's birthday party. One of those parties that I dread to go to but must because well its work, so my plan usually is to go in for exactly one hour, do my thing, and get out of there.

So C - 6"1, very blond, pretty cute in a lifeguard sorta way, with a nice dimply smile.  We talk about the cheese dip and the punch, his job (cardiovascular invasive specialist something or other), my job, his singing with the Royal Philharmonic, my writing, how Wash DC parties are full of political pointy heads, and how the music is always too loud to have a conversation at these things.

I say its midnight, time for Cinderella to go home, he says 'I would love to talk to you more, can I take you to dinner?'. I say ok, but Saturday is the only day I have free - and a Saturday night date is a big deal. Isn't that too much pressure?

He says no, he'd love to. And asks what my favorite restaurants are.

He decides on Firefly - this ultra-chic sorta place with a big firefly tree in the middle of the restaurant. He'd reserved one of the best tables in a quiet corner by the window. There was a HUGE vase of red roses and white orchids on the table. I thought.. hmm this is odd as it was minimalist decor and there were no flowers on the other tables.. but I chose to ignore it.

The food was over-prized but amazing. The conversation was pleasant, the evening was just lovely. I am sure there's a book somewhere that describes this as The Perfect Date.

The icing on the cake? The red roses and white orchids turned out to be for me, He had actually ordered them ahead of time to the restaurant. Oh My God. I just didn't know what to say. "I err.. umm wow.. umm thank you." I am one of those people who is rarely ever at a loss for words. But this was totally awkward. The effort he had put into planning this date and the $$ he had spent.. I was flattered and impressed, yet felt a little uneasy.. like am I missing something here? 

I ran home and called Natasha.
Natasha: honey- thats not a first date. Thats an anniversary date!!
Me: I know! So what the hell.. ?
Natasha: well did he try anything on?
Me: no, not at all! He walked me to the metro and said goodnight , and later sent me this really long text message to say he had an "incredible evening and really really wants to see me again. The whole thing is very Mills & Boons.
Natasha: Maybe he really does like you
Me: but he doesn't even know me??
Natasha: yeah thats probably why...  (see why I don't need enemies with friends like these?)

Well you can guess what happened. I didn't return his calls or emails. I don't know why. I really can't explain  it. He seemed like a decent guy. There was probably true potential. And I did what I always do - run away.

Why I am Supergirl

So I did one of those "Which Superhero Are You?" quizzes and came out as Supergirl - honest, loyal, defender of the innocent.

Yeah thats me. Or not. Honest - I don't know, though I try. Loyal - definitely, to a fault. And dedicated defender of the underdog like its my day job. 

But here's why I really am Supergirl. Because of the great and heroic struggle to overcome some of the dark forces in my life. Facing eternal self-doubt and self-criticism, feeling like no matter what I do, I "still can't get it right". But then knowing that underneath all that insecurity, there's an incredible strength, a cryptonite, I never knew I had..

Oh and also because I like to fly. Floating far above the ground. Get outside of myself. Go somewhere in my head. Escape to far away places. I have done that since I was 2 years old. Somehow it was more satisfying than having my feet on the ground. That was boring. And hard for me.