Love in the Age of World Domination

The Messy Business of Life

This has got to be the longest time between posts on this blog. I am sure the irony is not lost on anyone that the last post was titled 'a slacker's guide'. I have now officially broken my own record for ultimate slacker-ness - and this time its in something I love to do. Writing. Thats like me slacking on sleeping or eating cookies.

Its been a hell of a two months.

I just returned to Washington after a month away for work to Indonesia and Malaysia, and then Sri Lanka for vacation. Although I was super-stressed before going, the work part of the trip turned out to be awesome, in particular the Big UN climate conference down in Bali - 10,000 people, zillions of side events, crazy media circus, amazing resorts and beaches. The actual negotiations in the plenary were fascinating, although, not being used to UN processes, found them a tad strange, and not convinced its the way to solve complex problems. I have never been a fan of far-removed top down approaches to problem solving.. although I can see why in the case of climate change this may be the only way to go.

As for Lanka, it was exactly as it is every year. Too hot, too party-crazed, and too many vehicles on the sum total of 4 roads that is Colombo. Not the most zen place for a relaxed vacation but its got its usual charms: midnight mass where an incoherent non-English speaking priest read out a pre-written sermon while we giggled, got bitten by mosquitoes, and watched the strapless and  backless fashions; Christmas day lunch replete with pork curry and 'wattalappan' and uncle M's umpteenth stories from 1932; followed by a few days at a beach resort. Basically you can square it all off in 5 days. 

But now about what happened before I left town in Dec. In a one sentence nutshell I found myself in the starring role of a very bad Mexican teledrama.. or one of those romantic comedies gone awry. I promise I will write That Story one day soon, but for now suffice to say that it involved two men, one proposal, one new boyfriend, one soul mate, and massive doses of high stakes drama that played out over the course of five weeks, which left all three protagonists drained and in much need of space and time..  hence my trip to the East came at an opportune moment.

Part of the reason I couldn't bring myself to write in the last months is that so many crazy things were happening all at once, and my emotions were so all over the place that I didn't know what to chose to write about, or if to write at all. Eventually the choice was made for me by my own hesitation- I wrote nothing. That seemed less fake in a way than writing light-heartedly about random stuff while staying silent on the most important thing that was happening.

And every day, there was a new twist, some major new development in the story.  And little lazy slacker me- there's only so much I can cope with at once. For God sake I can only drink one cup of tea at a time. And I can definitely only love one person at a time. Loving two very amazing beautiful people - doing right by them, treating each kindly and with equanimity, having to think every action and every word through and through, it took a toll on this old goat. I mean, people, I am no spring chicken. My heart is all bruised and battered, I have never felt so pulled in so many directions, so caught between a rock and a hard place no matter which way I turned.

I have thought about whether I really want to tell this story. But given that this blog is dedicated to writing about love and the like, its not like I can get away without writing about some of it at least. So I will. Just not today.
 

Ten Things you Like about Yourself

Solomother has a great post on this, and list other women bloggers doing the same.

This is an interesting exercise, not least because its the opposite of my preferred "Ten Things I Wish I Could Change About Myself" list. Which is much easier, and better fodder for the daydream machine.

But lets give credit where credit is due. While my list leaves me annoyed and frustrated, this list which I just tried, left me all zen and, dare I say, a smidgen grateful.   

Before I share it with you, the deal is you've got to try it too. And here's an idea - if you like, email me and I'll post it here.

OK here goes:
1) I may have issues with my body, but I like my face for the most part. I have a pleasant but determined  and inquiring look, the same look I was born with many moons ago, and which I'd like to think I have passed on to my little niece.

2) I also like my big warm toothy smile (some may call me the buck tooth Indian - yes you know who you are) but my pearly whites have rescued me from many a scrape. During times when the world was collapsing around me, smiling and acting as if it was all ok, is what made it all ok in the end.

3) I like that I have a good heart. I won't deny it- it has got me into trouble, and even dangerous situations - but in the long run its come through for me. There are things only the heart knows, things that the head can never fathom. 

4) I like that I am teachable and progressive, one of the best qualities that I inherited from my parents. For the most part I am open, curious, and willing to learn and change views and opinions based on new information.

5) I can do creative stuff - photo albums, anything with pictures, framing old paintings, decorating, writing, cooking and hosting dinner parties - I love playing with color, shape, image, and accents. I like old things and new things.

6) I may be tone deaf but I like that I have a damn near perfect ear for language. I can usually manipulate words to make them do what I want them to. This is essentially whats allowed me to hoodwink my way into some of the most prestigious academic and corporate institutions in the world.   

7) I like that I have a strong spirit - perhaps its God's Grace acting in mysterious ways - but I can withstand a decent amount of craziness and pain. Like Scarlet (O'Hara), I will cry and howl over a disaster but in the same breath, raise my head through the tears to say "tomorrow's another day".

8) I like that I am not judgmental (read conservative). It must be horrible to not like people just because they are different - different religion, different sexual orientation. I couldn't care less who you love or what God you pray to at night, or if you pray to a God at all.

9) On the other hand, I like that I have faith in some kind of higher power beyond 'me, myself, and my little plans'. The idea of God, that there is something that is working behind all this, just takes all the pressure off. It works for me. But if it doesn't work for you, thats totally fine too.

10) I like my ability to relax, to contemplate, to enjoy the small pleasures of life, like reading the NYT on a Sunday afternoon, like sitting in cafes watching people pass by, like writing thank you notes on real paper, like watching the monsoon rain, like drinking tea with little cucumber sandwiches without the crust.

Sex, Drugs and Updating Your Blog

Well, thats 3 things I am NOT doing these days. A more appropriate title from me would be "Eating, Sleeping, and Surfing the Net."

But this seemed like a more catchy title to get your attention - actually I stole it from a NY Times story today about how musicians nowadays have to have a net presence and maintain constant contact with fans through blogs and myspace pages. 

Anyway, I know, this blog officially sucks. And I think I am going to stop writing on it altogether. First, all the people I like to write about (like my family) have a hissy fit every time I do. They go on about this thing they call 'privacy' - no idea what they are talking about.  Me, personally, I think that if its not personal its not interesting. The most compelling writing is personal. Ok, so maybe thats not supposed to include random gossip, but you know what I mean.

Second, just stuff going on - like naps..  no seriously I am trying to go to spinning class and work out with a trainer couple of times a week, and I have this short story to finish, and I have started looking around for a place to buy here because the rent I pay is just ridiculous.

Third, now that I have day job that mostly involves writing primary material, there's just not a lot of time on the side for a hobby that is similar. Now, when I do have some time in the evening, I like to indulge in some random family photography project or something.