Love in the Age of World Domination

My Worst Nightmare

Would be this.

If I had to go without internet for more than 48 hours that would be truly awful. Cell phone - I don't mind so much. I've never been a big caller or one of those people who have really long chats on their phones on a daily basis. I text some, but never more than 10 messages per day.

I do communicate considerably more through IM, and Facebook, and email, and my blog. Hence why an online outage would be harder. But the major reason life without the internet would be truly a challenge is not for the communication aspect but for more functional matters - I read my newspapers online, I listen to music online, I watch TV online, I pay my bills online, I check weather reports and stock markets on line, I shop online, and I write online.

Its pretty much everything. Without the internet what would I do for even a day? I'd have to get outside. On to the streets. In this cold. Hmm, yeah, I like not so much.

Facebook Stalking

We all like to stalk our friends. And this was way before the internet. We always want to see other people's photos, check out how they look, who they are dating, and who their friends are. We are curious, competitive, and obsessed.

And especially with those "friends" who we would never be in touch with if not for Facebook and other social networking sites - old colleagues, high school friends, grad school friends, friends from cities we used to live in 10 years ago, third cousins, and other very random people.

Ironically, three of my closest friends are not on Facebook. I am inside their lives, living it with them, not looking in from outside. But for the 78 other friends (damn I have to work on increasing that number) I spend about half an hour every day catching up on the minute details of everyone's lives, leaving wall posts for birthdays, and sending gossipy little messages like "OMG - did you see what's on X's wall - do you think he might be gay?"

Do you feel like your Facebook stalking is getting out of hand? If so, you can consult the The Physician’s Desk Reference to Facebook Neuroses, the leading handbook used by psychiatrists to diagnose Facebook addictions. The book outlines several sub-types of FB diseases (courtesy of Killed It).

• Wall Post Deleter – patient demonstrates extreme standards for messages posted on his/her wall. Readily deletes your post if it reveals too much, is embarrassing, or contains 1 or more grammatical flubs.
• Mini-Feed Article Deleter - X’s out mini-feed entries to falsely represent self and destroy the “paper trail”, effectively controlling viewers’ attention pathways. Related condition: Chronic Zero Entry Mini-Feed, in which mini-feed artificially remains at zero at all times in order to convey false image of low Facebook usage.
• Rampant Untagger – Most often female, this patient is extremely physically insecure and will untag anywhere from 35-88% of pictures. Patient provides reasons for untag by posting comments such as “OMG my mole looks like a rhombus in this pic, gross” or “ugh my shoulders aren’t even parallel to each other in this pic GOD!”
• Only Makes Friends with Girls Guy - this male patient is always adding a wide range of friends, but immediately upon confirming a friend request with a new male friend, he immediately deletes the respective Mini-Feed entry and leaves only the female names, so his friends think he’s “pulling mad chicks.”
• News Feed Dominator - ignorant to Facebook’s Privacy Settings feature, he/she has the most liberal privacy options and ends up dominating friends’ News Feed with everything from routine wall posts to friend confirmations that nobody cares about.
• Wall-to-Wall Zealot – this person will make sure his wall-to-wall post count with friends is accurately correlated with the level of friendship in real life. If this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend, he/she will not stop until your wall-to-wall count is far ahead of any other friend’s. Even if you talk numerous times a day via phone, text message, and IM, he/she will rehash old inside jokes or post meaningless banter on your wall in order to increase post count. Has also been known to “wall bomb” you with multiple consecutive messages as a cheap way of increasing the count.

Facebook has Ruined my Blogging

And in more ways than one.

First, after getting through the friend requests, writing on walls, throwing sheep, and checking out tagged photos, when is there time to write on blogs.. in fact I barely have time to check email anymore.

Second, what is there to write anymore? Everyone knows what you are up to, literally on a daily, if not hourly basis. Besides, I kind of feel like I am in touch with All and Sundry; is there really any need to write more about the goings-on in Washington - ex. the melting hot summer daze we are all in here? There isn't even a need to create and upload cute Ayush pics to flickr anymore because through my network you can access the albums on her parents' pages.

Its like Facebook makes everyone a mini-blogger. And writing/creative skills are not necessary, there's a template for everything, dumbed down and customized for the masses, keeping them in a big blue and white containment zone.

And make no mistake, FB is NOT a networking site. Its not about jobs or being linked in with alumni. Its about the gossip, the ‘what did you do yesterday’ element of it. Its about stalking people you barely know, voyeuristically flipping through pictures of folks you haven't been in touch with for decades.

It’s a gigantic high school reunion, with all the craziness and trauma that goes with it.

How to be a Good 'Friend'

Ah how the rules have changed.

Given that these days one is more likely to make friends on Facebook than at work or at the local coffee shop, we could all use some guidance. So courtesy of Valleywag:

1. Get in the friend zone. Have at least 15 "friends" so you don't look like a loner. But if you're just starting your career or not very connected, be wary of filling out with over 100 tenuous connections; after that, keep it below 300.

2. Be the interesting one. On a network where people actually do stuff (like the social messaging site Twitter), you can set yourself apart just by never wasting other people's time. Don't tell everyone "I'm making a sandwich." Tell them "I just dropped half my sandwich on the floor, peanut-butter side down. I picked out a couple of hairs so I think it's still okay to eat."

3. Interact with your friends. A Facebook user who just sits there without messaging, writing on walls, or at least joining a couple of groups; or a YouTube user who's never left a comment; or a Flickr user who has just three favorite photos, is like a sex partner who just lies there.

4. Let it all hang out. The more someone can see of your profile before they be"friend" you, the more likely they'll see something that makes you a good "friend."

5. Remember the reality curve. The more activity that happens on a social site, the more "friends" you can add that aren't actually friends. For instance, adding a hundred people you've never shaken hands with on Facebook is bad. Adding a hundred such people on Yahoo Chess, not bad at all.

6. Fake it just a little. Put up a flattering profile photo or highlight your best accomplishment. The slight disappointment as your "friend" gets to know you is a normal part of all human relationships. Just avoid lies and Photoshop.

7. Don't set your relationship status to "It's complicated." No one wants friends who are "complicated." Unless, of course, they're kind of creepy and think they can steal you away from whomever things are complicated with.

8. Link your social profiles to each other. Link to your Blogger or MySpace accounts from your Facebook profile. (Unless, of course, that's where you keep your private confessions and bong collection photos.) Like adding your friends as "friends" and filling out your profile, this just fills in context about you and makes you seem more like a real person.

9. Make mutual "friends." For a particularly tough-to-meet "friend," you've got to invade from neighboring territories. Yes, this is a metaphor from Risk, but it's kinda true.

10. Leave a wall post on birthdays. Endorse your colleagues. Favorite your "friends'" photos. Even if these little gestures feel meaningless to give, they feel strangely powerful to receive. In another sense, that's the whole point of being a good "friend."

OMG - My Mom is on Facebook!

Hilarious.  We are SO in the 21st century now.

Facebook is the size of a small country - 24 million 'citizens'. Its a serious phenomenon, totally overtaking MySpace and all those other networking sites.

It started as - just for the kids - then the adults got in. But why are parents using it to spy on the kids?? Creepy.

Parents are increasingly visiting social networking websites to ‘spy’ on their children, according to a study by London School of Economics (LSE).

So one thing that came out of my 20-something cousin's visit was that she got me onto this craze, and I have now set up abode on what undergrads all over the world are calling the second most "in" thing ever (the first being iPod and the third being sex).

But here's my question: the Facebook platform is totally open, anyone can sign up, parents included. How is this going to affect the needs of the primary market segment of teens and twentysomethings- for whom privacy is key to sharing emails and pictures with their friends about music, movies, and the latest crush?

In 5 days I have reconnected with all kinds of ex-classmates and old friends. Here's a typical Facebook  event:  Lotta Takala-Greenish (a girl who went to high school in Switz with me) sends a message asking if I'd like to contribute a recipe to a gift book for Priyanka Senadhira's wedding - another friend from high school who also went to LSE with me, and who also happens to be my ex sis-in-law. I also learnt that Nimit Shah and Neel Bhatia who I went to Wharton with are now friends, and that yesterday Pooja Mall threw a sheep at Smriti Jha who later that evening joined "I Was At LSE in the 1900's - LSE Alumni of the Last Millennium".

If globalization made the world smaller, Facebook has made it micro - a tiny tiny little village - where we all know exactly what everyone else is up to.

Life without Love

is nothing compared to life without the internet.

I am currently between laptops (I sent my old one to a cousin in Sri Lanka and I am waiting for my new HP Pavillion) and I swear to you its way worse than being between boyfriends or between jobs.

Unlike the latter, being without internet access on a daily basis means I am literally cut off from the world, from life itself - at least life as I know it. Which is... very virtual come to think of it. From the warmth of my bed, I scan the news, I read my favorite links, I write, manage and monitor my to-dolist, check email, blog, talk to everyone in Switz, London, Wales, SriLanka on skype, order my groceries from pea.pod, pay my bills, shop for bedlinen at potterbarn.com, bid for 24 Series 3 on Ebay, sell my old vacuum cleaner and coffeemaker on craigslist, auction my used books on amazon etc.. etc.... 

I don't know what it is. I think I need constant entertainment and stimulation 24/7. On my terms. And with the ability to switch quickly between sources. If someone else is not providing it in real life, then I prefer to entertain myself virtually. I remember even when I did the 32 dates thing, what I enjoyed the most was the online part - checking out profiles, reading responses, flirting on email. The part  where I had to get dressed, put on make- up, and actually go on the date.. and carry on a conversation in real life??  BORING!!

Today there is just so much available at the click of a button that, quite frankly, its amazing that people get out at all. You can download episodes of your favorite shows and watch funny video on youtube, while checking out a recipe for apple pie and researching symptoms of an allegic reaction to crab. I like the fact that I can do this incredible amount of activity and learning all on my own, and from the comfort of my home. I don't have to talk to anyone, I don't have to listen to anyone. I can get lost in my own adventures. And they are so interesting and varied.

Whatever it is its deep .. its what I do, its who I am. One day when I was trying to log in, M said to me "hey the internet is closed for repairs this week" and I remember looking up with absolute panic, before I realised his joke.

Its also possibly genetic. MAF also spends significant potions of his time on the internet. We both have the same fear - that one day, as we surf and catelogue the internet, we will come to "The End".