Love in the Age of World Domination

And Looking Forward

So I am making a list and checking it twice. For all I want to do in 2008.

Which is superficially: a) exercise more, b) drink water, c) stop eating chocolate, d)  just decide and marry someone already! 

I wonder what this year has in store. Is it going to be the Greatest Year yet or just an Average Year? In the end, does it even matter? I've come to realize that no matter what big goals one may have, and how many of them one accomplishes, all that matters is how each day was lived, and whether one was reasonably content each of those days. In the current age of discontent we live in, there is little point in pining your happiness on better jobs, bigger homes, thinner bodies, hotter relationships, or what have you, because getting any extraneous thing only holds its allure for a few months before you set new goals. Want more. Pine for the next thing.

An Average Year would be just fine.

In that spirit, this year I want to keep my resolutions really simple:

1) I want to care less about the things I really shouldn't care so much about. And more about the things I should - like health check-ups, and meditating.

2) I want to show up for people I've promised things to, for commitments I've made. And on time. To stop running, always an hour late, a dollar short, and a button missing.

3) I want to be thankful for what I already have, but most importantly, for all I already am.

4) I want to make the most of a life that is set in one of the freeiest places on Earth, in the most prosperous country, at the turn of the 21st century.   

5) I want to stop regreting time lost - whether it was the years lost back in the day, or just the hours lost yesterday. Everything takes the time it does. We get where we get when we get there.

6) I want more time to play with my photos, and picasa, to understand depth of field and white balance, to make memories in sepia. I want more time to think in colors, decorate, to match the carpet with the right shade of Roman soft shade blinds, I want more free time for learning and reading, editing things and playing with stuff.

The Year of Patience

2007 was a Hell of a Year.

At the beginning, like, everyone else I put down some resolutions.. some of which I actually did, such as taking the writing class and the photography class, writing a short story, and strength training + losing 6 pounds (although I gained it right back a few months later).

But there are things I achieved that I had not planned out to do at all, but which turned out to be major. First, after much hang wringing I left the World Bank and joined a environmental research think tank to work on clean energy and finance issues. And that was scary - leaving the security (and money) of WB  - but its turned out to be one of the best calls I have ever made in my life. Its turned out to be a spectacularly good fit for the weird combination of skills I have, and for my reading-writing-isolating personality, as well as an amazing place for leadership and personal growth, even though I haven't even yet taken advantage of all that.

Second, I really put on the Big Boots and tackled my convoluted finances, paid off my b-school loans in its entirety, bought a condo in DC, and put some cash away for a rainy day. It feels really good to be in control of one's financial future. And charming to live in one's own home. I feel like my feet are firmly planted on the ground, and on a piece of ground that I own.

Third, kicking and screaming, I started to date. It wasn't all fun, and most of the time I felt like "someone please shoot me" and 'seriously, do I have to do this?". But eventually I met someone amazing. Then circumstances intervened and that changed too. But all these were phenomenal experiences, which more than anything demonstrated to me that I really don't know much about what turn my life is about to take. Like who woulda thought that things would come to pass the way they did.

But most of all, there are the immeasurable things - 2007 was the year of Patience, of being alone, of discovery, of learning how to depend on myself. It was the year of confidence, of faith, of knowing that it was all going to be ok no matter how my life ended up. It was the year of small step slowly taken, like little pitter patter baby steps, but lots of them, and its added up. It was the year of coffee, and good reading, and endless conversations late into the night. It was the year of living freer, feeling stronger, making choices that matter. It was a spectacular year.

The Messy Business of Life

This has got to be the longest time between posts on this blog. I am sure the irony is not lost on anyone that the last post was titled 'a slacker's guide'. I have now officially broken my own record for ultimate slacker-ness - and this time its in something I love to do. Writing. Thats like me slacking on sleeping or eating cookies.

Its been a hell of a two months.

I just returned to Washington after a month away for work to Indonesia and Malaysia, and then Sri Lanka for vacation. Although I was super-stressed before going, the work part of the trip turned out to be awesome, in particular the Big UN climate conference down in Bali - 10,000 people, zillions of side events, crazy media circus, amazing resorts and beaches. The actual negotiations in the plenary were fascinating, although, not being used to UN processes, found them a tad strange, and not convinced its the way to solve complex problems. I have never been a fan of far-removed top down approaches to problem solving.. although I can see why in the case of climate change this may be the only way to go.

As for Lanka, it was exactly as it is every year. Too hot, too party-crazed, and too many vehicles on the sum total of 4 roads that is Colombo. Not the most zen place for a relaxed vacation but its got its usual charms: midnight mass where an incoherent non-English speaking priest read out a pre-written sermon while we giggled, got bitten by mosquitoes, and watched the strapless and  backless fashions; Christmas day lunch replete with pork curry and 'wattalappan' and uncle M's umpteenth stories from 1932; followed by a few days at a beach resort. Basically you can square it all off in 5 days. 

But now about what happened before I left town in Dec. In a one sentence nutshell I found myself in the starring role of a very bad Mexican teledrama.. or one of those romantic comedies gone awry. I promise I will write That Story one day soon, but for now suffice to say that it involved two men, one proposal, one new boyfriend, one soul mate, and massive doses of high stakes drama that played out over the course of five weeks, which left all three protagonists drained and in much need of space and time..  hence my trip to the East came at an opportune moment.

Part of the reason I couldn't bring myself to write in the last months is that so many crazy things were happening all at once, and my emotions were so all over the place that I didn't know what to chose to write about, or if to write at all. Eventually the choice was made for me by my own hesitation- I wrote nothing. That seemed less fake in a way than writing light-heartedly about random stuff while staying silent on the most important thing that was happening.

And every day, there was a new twist, some major new development in the story.  And little lazy slacker me- there's only so much I can cope with at once. For God sake I can only drink one cup of tea at a time. And I can definitely only love one person at a time. Loving two very amazing beautiful people - doing right by them, treating each kindly and with equanimity, having to think every action and every word through and through, it took a toll on this old goat. I mean, people, I am no spring chicken. My heart is all bruised and battered, I have never felt so pulled in so many directions, so caught between a rock and a hard place no matter which way I turned.

I have thought about whether I really want to tell this story. But given that this blog is dedicated to writing about love and the like, its not like I can get away without writing about some of it at least. So I will. Just not today.
 

Those Amazing First Times

I always fall into the trap of believing that I have exhausted people. That there is no one out there for me, nothing anyone can show me that I haven't seen already in some form.  Unbelievable then that I have met someone new. Who I like. It never ceases to amaze me that I still have the capacity to actually like someone (in that way).

For other people, making new friends or meeting new people may be more typical than it is for me. Given my permanent desire to isolate that wouldn't be too hard. The handful of really close people I have in my life I can never seem to get enough of. We spend hundreds of hours together and we never get tired of each other. But romance, thats usually a different story. I am so reluctant/lazy to give anyone a chance.  In those rare times when someone interesting crosses my path (which they pretty much have to do, since I don't cross many other people's paths) and they get close enough to start seeing who I am, I want to run away and bury my head in the sand. 

So with this new thing, I have been sitting around being all overwhelmed and excited and anxious and all those ridiculous things one feels in those early stages. There is nothing like those 'firsts'. Of course there is the far more mature trade-off of a secure/established relationship and what not, but if you don't dig the first moments of meeting someone new, you are really truly missing out. Sometimes things are painfully awkward, but even the awkwardness can be beautiful.. teach you things.

These are the days of maximum charm and well-masqueraded 'sweetness'. Its one of life's ultimate experiences.

As the Pounds Creeps Up

And the summer swings on in the Nation's Capital..

But - first - where in heaven's name did June go? I quite remember May.. and now there's July.

1) I can’t fit into my clothes from last summer… as a few more pounds have surreptitiously crept up on me. So being forced to go shopping and buy new stuff. I have started with this print dress… all the dresses now are those tents that hang from your chest that make you look 8 months pregnant.  I wore this to a party at Natasha’s some weeks back. Later that evening I asked her “so you didn’t say anything about my dress.. .” “Yeah we need to talk about that.."  Mean!

2)  New job is awesome as is new colleagues- kinda nice to be around very young people who are plugged-in ipod/youtube/green-living types after the ailing aging baby boomers shuffling through the corridors over at 1818 H Street. The first thing I noticed when I got here was that everyone has really nice hair… or at least a significant amount of it … which was an interesting contrast from before.

3) Finally bought a place in DC after a good couple months spent up and down the NW postcode looking at some 30 or so properties. Its a nice little condo in Cleveland Park that backs right up into  Rock Creek Park - like literally all you see is this thick green forest. Super quiet, very secluded, and just the kind of place I can disappear into for days without emerging. There is a little guest room - so now I can have visitors without me having to decamp into the living room.

4) HRH Dad has been here providing technical and moral support on the condo project - in particular he was instrumental in pushing me to actually sign on the dotted line, instead of looking and looking but never committing. Because well, thats me. Commitment, responsibility, and spending significant amounts of $$ on anything, are all anxiety-inducing events that make me wanna go bury my head in the sand. Or in the internet.

5) Dad's visit was, as always, replete with fabulous meals and great conversations full of insights and analysis.. he always comes up with some stuff that never fail to floor me. Like,
Dad: I am so glad you now have some really good friends that you actually enjoy being with.
Me: Huh? I always had a ton of friends!
Dad: Yes, on paper. But you never gave anyone the time of day.. to develop authentic sustained relationships.. from the time you were a kid, you always preferred some loner activity like reading books, or writing, or talking to yourself, than actual interaction with other human beings.
Me: Great! Thanks for sharing Dad. Glad to know am making progress.

6)  M and family are well in SL. He likes to do crazy things like taking my little infant niece who’s barely 5 months old on tiring, dangerous, pot-holed road trips all over Sri Lanka. And then he gets mad that I am all ‘americanized’ and that I think of SL like the Island in Lost. Seriously? I bet the Island in Lost will have more infrastructure by the end of season 6 than SL.  Not to mention these latest abductions that are happening in the country... yeah sounds a lot like something The Others would do…

The Allure of Family Gossip

Its so nice to have family visit. DC being the Nation's Capital and all, its an awesome place for anyone to wonder around and see lots and lots of 'significant stuff'. In addition, being that it was Memorial Day weekend, it was the perfect day to see all the, well, memorials.

Shivanthi loved DC so much that she's threatened to move here and move in with me. Apparently the whole art-gallery-going- starbucks-sipping-web-surfing lifestyle is so, like, her thing.

But the best part was, of course, the gossip. What is it about getting together with a favorite girl cousin, curling up on the sofa with a couple of strong black Ceylon teas and embarking on a mega chit chat about The Family, that is so delicious? Wish I could tell you the half of it..  but what was said in DC will stay in DC.  ;) 

Sex, Drugs and Updating Your Blog

Well, thats 3 things I am NOT doing these days. A more appropriate title from me would be "Eating, Sleeping, and Surfing the Net."

But this seemed like a more catchy title to get your attention - actually I stole it from a NY Times story today about how musicians nowadays have to have a net presence and maintain constant contact with fans through blogs and myspace pages. 

Anyway, I know, this blog officially sucks. And I think I am going to stop writing on it altogether. First, all the people I like to write about (like my family) have a hissy fit every time I do. They go on about this thing they call 'privacy' - no idea what they are talking about.  Me, personally, I think that if its not personal its not interesting. The most compelling writing is personal. Ok, so maybe thats not supposed to include random gossip, but you know what I mean.

Second, just stuff going on - like naps..  no seriously I am trying to go to spinning class and work out with a trainer couple of times a week, and I have this short story to finish, and I have started looking around for a place to buy here because the rent I pay is just ridiculous.

Third, now that I have day job that mostly involves writing primary material, there's just not a lot of time on the side for a hobby that is similar. Now, when I do have some time in the evening, I like to indulge in some random family photography project or something.

Leaving the World Bank + New Job

They say the horizon is only as far as you can see. When you get there, you see a new road and a new horizon in front of you. Must be true because I feel like I just came around another corner of my life.

Last week, after almost three years, I left the World Bank. I am moving on to new challenges in climate change and alternative energy work, so I am psyched, but I am seriously sad to leave the World Bank, my first job post-MBA. I have gotten to know some very brainy and accomplished people at the Bank, whose ideas, hearts, and minds I will miss. I will miss the Community Development Carbon Fund, the next-to-impossible projects we worked on from Guinea to Mongolia to Nepal, as well as my cool-headed clued-in boss.

The 'new horizon' is called the World Resources Institute. They recruited me as a Senior Associate into their Climate Team about two weeks ago, it all happened very suddenly, what can I say... the Universe conspires and moves in mysterious ways.

The reason why I am interested in this job, enough to leave the great (and by that mean the awesome lifestyle :) of the World Bank are threefold. First, the position is within the Capital Markets team at WRI, and it involves the financial aspects of bringing clean technologies to market. And well thats right up my alley. A HUGE part of the equation in solving the climate problem is getting the capital flowing from big iBanks and Silicon Valley VCs into the clean tech firms that have the technology. 99% of alternative energy sources and clean technologies that we need are there today, but deployment of it at scale needs a lot of $$$. 

I am also psyched because I will be working on the big picture, in particular in America. At the World Bank, I worked primarily on a small part of that big picture - carbon offsets under an international agreement - Kyoto. However, CDM is only a small part (11%) of the carbon market, and the 'carbon market' i(ie. cap and trade) itself is only one possible solution out of a broad gamut of solutions. Voluntary restraints, national legislation, and a carton tax are some of the others. And of course, the critical player without whom no solution is worth the name, is the United States. Therefore, I find climate work that concentrates on the US agenda uber-relevant, especially right now, what with 3 Bills before the new Democratic Congress.

But seriously people. This is, umm, like, serious. Except for George Bush, I think everyone has now got the memo (IPCC AR4) that the scientific debate on climate change is settled - ie. its real, its here, and its man-made. There is currently momentum, like never before, behind doing something about it.  Richard Branson offered $25 million for a carbon sequestration technology, Tony Blair is leading a Global Legislators Forum on it, and Al Gore's movie An Inconvenient Truth won an Oscar.

But its when the private equity firms get in on it that you know  for sure that things are 'heating up' :)
You don't want to miss this train when it leaves the station.

Baby Poo and other Delights

WOW!

This is the closest Ive come to holding something live that has part of my own genetic material! Its amazing. But also a little scary (what if I hurt her by holding too tight) and a little crraaaaaaaaaazzzy. M tried to show me the whole diaper changing thing... I saw the poo, got excited and knocked over the water bucket, he nearly slipped and dropped the baby, and well.. long story short... that didn't really work out for me.

Ayushi babe is delightful. Soft pink skin. A swoop of jet black hair. She has Mali and my hair. Straight, silky, sleek. Sumi's cute button nose. Perhaps Preethi's mouth. Mali's forehead and eyes, and far away expression.

She loves to be hugged, she likes cuddles and warmth. She doesn't like water or baths I think. She eats a lot, throws up a lot, sleeps a lot during the day, and stays up all night. Yeah that last.. remind you of anyone?! :)   

She's quite low-maintenance, and really, a good baby. Here, she is taking a nap after reading the business section of the Sunday papers.

And here, she's posting a comment on my blog. Isn't she awesome??

Holiday Party & Pics

Christmas 2006 in Switzerland with Mom&Dad, the Gomezes, and the Sadacharans.

The highlight was Dad's organization of 'Midnight Mass' at home (!!) replete with a bonafide priest, carol singing, and Holy Communion. The Mass was videostreamed live to family and friends who could not be with us this Holiday.

Meanwhile, in Wales, M&S had their own little party.. and celebrated their last few days as a two-some before the arrival of the little 'un.