Love in the Age of World Domination

Invading a Country by Accident

Like, who does that??  The Swiss, of course.

Apparently it was raining and all, and really really dark out there.

The fact that our infantry units lost their bearings will hardly surprise anyone familiar with the Swiss Army. Nor should it come as a shock that although the invaders were armed with rifles, they had no ammunition. As a rule, the assault rifles (every soldier keeps his weapon at home) are used only for suicides and the occasional violent crime. In the service, they mostly function as ballast for long marches — one of the Swiss Army’s most popular pastimes.

Switzerland has been neutral for 500 years. Over the course of the past several decades the army has acquired an increasingly quaint character. Carrier pigeons were used until 1994, and the bicycle units were disbanded only four years ago. And it wasn’t until the 1990s that the high command realized that two-thirds of the more than 20,000 fortifications scattered throughout the country were unnecessary and could be closed.

Nowadays, the Swiss Army tries to legitimize its existence by offering emergency relief and auxiliary support at sporting events. But compulsory military service remains as inviolable in Switzerland as the monarchy is in Liechtenstein, and so the only way to decrease the number of troops has been to shorten the time of service or declare as many draftees as possible unfit for service.

Here's the best part:

Invading Liechtenstein was admittedly a foolish thing to do, but at least the Swiss Army has shown it knows how to bring a failed military action to a happy conclusion. You just turn around and sneak back home as quickly and quietly as you can before anybody notices.

And the next day you call on the head of the foreign territory and offer a formal apology.

What is Christmas?

A time of gifts and goodies, celebrations and carols, and the birth of Christ, to be sure. But stripped of all of that, at its very core, what is it? I submit, an expression of love.

Ok so that is cliched, and sounds so yuk yuk. But seriously its true. Like it says in 1 Corinthians, "if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a clanging cymbal..  if I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

If you don't have love in your heart for the next person, all the energy around this time of year- the cooking, baking, decorating, and gift-giving.. all the religious stuff- cribs, carols, and Midnight Mass... and all the volunteering and soup-kitchening mean squat. It is not what you do, but what you are that counts.

I am not sure (still trying to work it out) but I think that you are also supposed to love not only those you actually do love such as friends and family, but also those you generally would not love like thieves, terrorists, drug addicts, drunks, and other fallen of the world. He loved them all.

Merry Christmas! God Bless.

Questions for Europe

Dear Europe,

Every time I visit you, I come away with all these nagging questions. It could be because I have become dangerously stupid after living close to the idiotic American masses. But help me out here:

1) You are so worried about the environment and global warming, and the Americans stomping around misusing their power, but aren’t you at all worried about the lack of babies around you? The only populations that are growing are the Muslim ones... in 10 years Europe will be like Sharia with Swedish taxes. Personally I'd be a bit concerned.

2) Now the US govn may have no small share of globally certifiable morons. But at least those dudes change around. Is there anyone alive in France today who knows of any other political elite than Chirac or the late Mitterand?

3) Why is it that when I say I am from Switzerland, you stare at me and inevitably follow up with "but what is your ethnicity? Is it not possible that a brown person can be from a European country? It wouldn't even occur to an American to ask such a question. Switzerland, Sri-Lanka, its all the same. They either don’t know the difference or don’t care about it. It’s all ROW (rest of the world) to them.

4) You are obsessed with the US, but its funny how you totally disregard China and India. What, you didn’t know? The poor people you once majestically ruled over have overtaken you in just 50 short years. Fast forward 2020: all those 80s movies with Americans vs Russians will be recast with Jackie Chan versus Shahrukh Khan. And Pierre or Klaus won’t even be playing the token gay sidekick.

5) Side note to the British: why do you want to be part of “old Europe” when they call you les roastbeef and make fun of your teeth? Forget them, they are mean. While you sit on your rainy little island sipping tea, think about it : you have so much more in common with your brethren across the Atlantic, who love you and Tony very much.

6) OK we all get it- Disney World and Big Macs are evil. But do you have any other interesting political ideas at all? Or are things so bad that anti-Americanism is the only card you have to play?

7) Also I have to ask: what's with the obsession with Robbie Williams and David Hasselhoff? Especially the Germans. You'd think he helped end the cold war or something. Oh wait- apparently he did.

8) Finally, you have such beautiful churches, how come they are always empty? If you don't actually ever go to church, why have them everywhere? Let's make room for a Wal-mart, shall we? :)

A Simple Life - Swiss Style

How ridiculously beautiful is this? This is Eysins, 20 km from Geneva, where my parents live, and where I grew up.

The perfectly manicured countryside, the lake, the mountains, and these set piece toy villages - this is where I went to school, where I lived for almost 20 years, where my friends lived..  this is how we lived. During all that time I didn't even notice what an utterly sheltered, exclusive, and uber-snobbish childhood we had growing up in Switzerland. Oh my God! There are no poor people, there is no dirt, and everything is homogeneously sanitized, polo-shirted, elegant, and orderly. I can't believe this didn't really strike me until just now. I mean I always understood poverty in the context of the third world, considering I grew up in Sri Lanka for the first 10 years of my life. But my experience of life in the first world was inevitably modeled on Swiss standards because thats all I knew thereafter.. ..  I guess its taken 3 years of living abroad to see things with a "regular" eye.

Now I understand why my friends have made fun of me so long. But you also understand now why I cannot be blamed if my view of life is a perfect swiss postcard, accompanied by Sound of Music melodies in the background. 

Why the Swiss will Never get it

Few days ago the US Congress passed a Resolution recognizing and honoring the contribution of Indian Americans to economic innovation and society generally. It particularly recognizes "the valuable and significant contribution" the grads of the Indian Institutes of Technology have made "to advance and enrich American society".

Imagine such a thing happening in Britain (where Indians have been contributing for much longer), or the recognition by the Swiss of the contribution of Sri Lankan refugees to their restaurant industry, or the recognition by the French of Morocco's contribution???? This is what makes America America, why all those Indian silicon valley engineers (and the corner shop owners and the cab drivers) have integrated into the US as "Indo-Americans" in a way that Indians in Britain never would.   

America: Note not perfect but "flawed", and America's leaders may be seriously misguided sometimes, but the idea behind the creation of this nation is still inspiring. The land of the free and the home of the brave. I came here 3 years ago and  I have adopted it as my home faster than the country I was born in or the one I grew up in.  Its offered me the opportunity to learn all kinds of new things and the freedom to live my life the way I choose.